I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
