what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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