The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
There was a lot of him and a little penis
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
