my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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