debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
