I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
