My boss' voice literally gives me gas
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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