the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize