She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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