do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
