The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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