I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
