Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
