Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize