Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
