Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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