my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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