Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
