Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
