Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
