I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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