What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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