She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
