His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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