i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm gonna fight the coyote
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
