An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
try to milk me bitch
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