WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
