dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
