i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
