Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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