It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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