the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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