it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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