i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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