I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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