i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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