before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
