Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize