Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
