It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
