she smelled like a LAN party
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
