i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize