First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
