WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
That accounts for only three of the penises
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
