I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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