I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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