I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
