I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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