I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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