the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
