Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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