I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
