Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize