Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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