my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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