she smelled like a LAN party
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Randomize
