I hate your face
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
