Just took my morning after pill in the library
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
