I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
