we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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