So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
