im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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