I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
