this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Too much gin, very little bucket
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Randomize