Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
