We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
