just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
