a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize