I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I know her cup size but not her name....
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
