Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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