I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
