I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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