My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
is it fun? or sober?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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