i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
