Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
