Just took my morning after pill in the library
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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