Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
