I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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