Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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