At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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