Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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