this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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