Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
