I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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