A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
