she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
