see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
