I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Randomize
