I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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