my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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