Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize