i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
