There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
