Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize