you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
