But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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