Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
