he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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