All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
