ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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